Seriously pissed off...

Well, I'm not going to Cambodia. The worst thing is, everyone in my class who applied are going except me. Great! Another thing to get left out of. But I'm more pissed off at the fact that they most probably rejected me cos of my asthma. They probably didn't wanna take responsibility for me if anything happens. Even though I told them I haven't had an attack in years.

I can't even freaking donate blood cos my blood pressure is too low. Thank you, whoever who wrote my destiny. Thank you for making me feel worse than I already was.

I was hoping to use this trip to try and lighten the emotional baggage. To do something meaningful, and probably be appreciated. But no... No such thing is gonna happen.

See? Me believing that saying it out will jinx it is true. Not gonna say anything now, from now on...

I know there are tonnes of other organizations that do volunteer overseas work. But that would probably cost so much more than what we have to pay for in school. So that, if I haven't given up hope, will have to wait.

I have to say it's fucking unfair. And I'm fucking pissed off with everything now.

If doing good requires much more than what I have, I'm sorry to say that I don't think I can take it anymore. And it seems easier to be someone less than that.

And now, I just feel like screaming, "FUCK THE WORLD! Fuck all of you! Fuck you for not giving me a chance! Fuck you for giving me up! Fuck you for not wanting to commit! Fuck you for not accepting my application! Fuck you for causing me grief! Fuck you for taking advantage of me! And fuck me for the inability to do anything but suck it all up! And just what do you fucking want from me???"

Breaking down seems like the perfect thing to do now... Think I'm about to go bonkers...

Seriously, just fuck off...