Another emo blog post...

You could skip reading this if you don't want me to spoil your day...

Contemplated posting this. But decided I would anyways. Just to try and let it all out.

I feel that I've really been trying hard. But today is just one of those days when I feel absolutely horrible about myself. And the negative stuff comes pouring in since the start of the day.

I kinda understand why it hurts so much now. This time is probably the worst I've felt. And we haven't even started yet. And I'm not sure why it's taking so long to heal. I guess it's cos everything happened so fast and all of a sudden, I just feel lost without him. I feel constricted. Like I can't breathe.

I tried to cry my heart out. But the tears just seem to stop halfway, like a paper jam in a printer. And I don't wanna bore other people about this seemingly insignificant and not-worth-that-much-time problem.

I miss him. Terribly. As much as I try to be 潇洒 about it I just can't deny the fact that I still miss him. Yes, he doesn't offer much advice. And he sometimes doesn't understand the drama around me. But when he's around, every hint of sadness melts away. I feel protected. I feel comfortable. I feel like myself.

And now that he's gone from my life, I feel like I have to put on this mask everyday. With fake smiles and assure people that I'm ok when I'm actually broken inside. Because without him, I'm finding it hard to really laugh out loud. I still believe I felt something and so did he. I still don't understand why he's denying it. And I still believe that I probably made him feel the same way I'm feeling now. But, I guess, it's not that important now...

I know some of you would be angry at him still, for leaving me like this. And you probably are pissed cos you probably felt that I'm taking the relationship a step higher than our friendship. I assure you that I'm not. But I can't deny that it's a totally different relationship on many levels. And I'm not in the right mind to explain right now...

I know it sounds really negative right now. But I'm sure I'll be ok. I just have to erase memories of the past 8 months or so. It is slowly fading with time. But I'm being impatient so I'm trying to occupy myself in every way I can.

This is a long battle I have to fight on my own. And this, ALL of this, hasn't even amounted to 'love' yet. I never knew I had so much in me to give... All I need now is another chance... A proper one...

Be patient now, XY. Tomorrow is a new beginning... =)

And tomorrow onwards, this shall be my motto...

Moving on now... =)