Worked up a whole chunk of a 'goodbye letter' while I was in the shower earlier on. Was contemplating on either secretly leaving this place or just inform my parents of my decision.
There's so many reasons why I want to leave. And so little to make me stay. But those few reasons to make me stay somehow often overrides my decision to leave.
One of the main reasons I want to leave is cos of him. He makes everything seem like hell and everyone around him like an angel. But I love my parents too much to allow him to get into trouble with the law. And I can't help but watch the damage he does to them. To my relationship with them. To our minds. To our hearts.
He should leave. And I'm crossing all of my fingers that he will. Cos like I said, if he doesn't, I will. Cos I can no longer tolerate everything about him. And since like my mum said, it's none of my business. They can defend him all they want without me trying to get them to open their eyes. And I still think it would be a better decision for all of us.
Even if he does leave, I would still go on as planned. Maybe just delay a few more years when I'm more settled financially.
Putting some distance between me and my parents will probably make all of us feel more relieved and probably bring us closer to each other. And it would allow me to breathe properly.
My brain is drawing a blank now... Guess the drug is taking effect. I should go to bed... And allow myself more time to think things through...
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