Dread...

I actually dread going to funerals. I dread seeing people cry. I dread seeing people break down and lose control. I dread surrounding myself with gloom and sadness.

I've just overcome something difficult. And now, here comes another challenge.

I didn't want to cry today. But seeing my 大姨 and mum sobbing together made it harder to stop the tears from rolling down my face. Then came Ah Gong, who struggled to stand from his wheelchair just to take one last look at her. He shuddered a little and I was so afraid he would fall to the ground and break down. I held onto him when I noticed he shivered a bit. But he was even stronger than I am. He had tears in his eyes, but he didn't start bawling like some of us did. I couldn't hold it together anymore and went to a corner and let some of my tears out.

It just doesn't feel right. To see her lying in there and not moving. I guess it never feels right in such circumstances.

Tomorrow's another challenging day. I'm gonna make sure I have my books and DS with me just so I won't keep thinking of the sombre atmosphere... And I'm gonna surround myself with plenty of Jayden and Cheyenne, the lights of my life.

Headache and blocked nose, begone now...

Cheer up now...