Rantings...

I've been really busy this past week, planning itinerary for our Jap friends and bringing them around. And of course, really tired as well.

Today, was quite a bad day. We were gonna have a 'Nursing' only dinner with teachers and students and the director (I found out last minute). Things kinda got screwed up and 2 of my teachers kinda got a little mad. And I thought I was gonna be so freaking screwed. But all was well when they arrived for dinner and everything was settled. I was really scared for nothing. Good job, XY.

AND, the teachers were full of praises for us and kept saying we did a good job. I keep having this really warm feeling when they kept praising and thanking us. One of them even SMSed me after we left! =) And it's even better cos the DIRECTOR was there! Lol.

Anyways, we brought our Jap friends around the Marina Bay area and I had to leave slightly earlier. But when you're in a mad rush, there's always no cabs available, the queue is long, your iPhone taxi-booking app doesn't work, the line takes forever to get through, and the cab takes forever to arrive. By the time I got where I was supposed to be, I was 45 minutes late.

He actually wanted to meet another day cos he didn't want me to rush around (and he could also tell I was stressed out due to the earlier nervous-ness). But I snapped and ordered him to stay where he was and I would rush over. He replied with a, "Yes, Mam!" I got a little pissed off but it was also my fault for not leaving earlier. Ah, well...

Anyways, I got there, we took a walk, I wanted to ask... But I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth. And I wanted to slap myself. I kept trying to push him away even though I didn't want to. I said things to get him mad even though I didn't want to. I hinted about Jap guy even though I feel like a bitch for doing so. He wasn't having any of it, held on tighter and wouldn't let go.

I shouldn't do it. I shouldn't do it since he spent precious time with me. But I can't help it. And I feel bad for doing it. And I think this vicious cycle will go on. And I really should stop it.

What happened to you, XY? What happened to the person who could speak her mind without fear? What happened to the person who doesn't care what other people think? What the eff are you waiting for? What the eff are you afraid of? Don't you trust your gut feeling? Can't you see the obvious answer? Be brave! Just do it!

Just do it... Easy for you to say...